Daniel 3:17-18

While at the Provo MTC (Missionary Training Center), preparing to go and serve in New York as a full-time missionary, I was informed that due to my past epileptic condition I would not be allowed to serve as called and would be sent home. This of course challenged my faith and, from my perspective, diminished it (on a scale of 0 to 20) from 19 to 1 in every aspect of the gospel. But thankfully, due to inspired missionaries guiding me to the scriptures, I was able to put a halt on the evaporation of my faith. (See previous blog post for a more detailed story.)

At the time of being informed of the cancellation of my mission call, I was able to summon enough courage to be persistent with them of having any possible exception made for me. Their response to this was that they would look into it, but that the probability of obtaining such an exception was extremely minimal. In the mean time they would have me wait at the MTC with another district of missionaries. The day of getting this information was a Monday, which happened to be the day of the week that we could email our families, which I immediately did after this event. Consequently, the word spread very quickly throughout my extended family of the news.

While I was inspired by the scriptures to not let my faith completely die away, it was certainly difficult to try and rebuild it to the level that it would certainly need to be if I were to ever get permission to truly serve a mission. This was especially true at the time of watching the rest of my missionary friends get on the bus and drive away to the airport while I stayed behind at the MTC with almost no hope of getting that opportunity that I so dreamed of. But thankfully I got news from both home and from local teachers and missionaries that I was being prayed for so much. Literally, hundreds of prayers were being said for me each day. And this, in addition to my own very personal and spiritual prayers, was motivation for me to build back hope, one ounce at a time.

And eventually, within about a week following the departure of my first district of fellow missionaries, I was called to the MTC President's office. With enough hope, I was confident that they would be informing me of an exception to allow me to go on my mission to New York as called. But to my grave disappointment, the MTC President kindly told me that The Church needed to keep with its standard guidelines and that I wouldn't be able to serve in New York at this time. Rather I could either go home at this time and be honorably released, or I could serve in the MTC Referral Center while trying to get doctoral permission to serve elsewhere.

I, of course, chose the second option. But walking out of there with a different outcome that, at that time, seemed to directly contradict divine answers I had received through prayer was greatly disappointing. The hope for a successful mission that I had built up in the preceding days was diminished. To say that my heart felt down and my mind was deeply troubled would be an understatement.

Later that day I was able to find a time to talk one-on-one with one of my MTC teachers. He tried to help me see that there was still hope for a successful mission ahead. He went on to explain that while the outcome may be different than what I initially hoped for, it can still be just as good. To potentially help, he asked me to read the 3rd chapter of Daniel in the Old Testament and study how Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego's example could pertain to me. While doing so with sincere intent soon afterwards, I read a scripture that caught my attention.

"If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king. But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve they gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up."     ~ Daniel 3:17-18

Feeling rather intrigued by their willingness to say "but if not..." at a time of great confidence in what God's will was, I felt as if this is what I should be doing. While I surely yearned for an immediate exception, allowing me to serve in the mission written on my signed call, I needed to learn that more important than this was learning to yield to the will of God. I also needed to learn to answer "but if not ..." at this time when a hopeful outcome indeed was not.

This became a very poignant time in my life because of the lesson I learned through it. The Lord taught me that accepting his will is among the most important characteristics of a true follower of Christ. More important than my plans working out the way I think they should is being willing to look forward towards the future with the phrase "but if not, I will still follow God's guidance" at the helm.