Matthew 26:39
After returning home from serving two years as a full-time missionary in New York for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I was a very new 21-year old. It was December 2013 and my life had just been changed through 24-7 service in spreading the news of the restored gospel since December 2011. Of course, stepping off the plane in Salt Lake City was an obvious transition point from one chapter of life to another. But what was the next chapter of life going to entail? What did the future have in store for me? While I didn't know the specifics of what would occur in the upcoming years as my early-20s unfolded, I at least knew some of the things that should be part of the answer to these questions. I would be going to college at the University of Utah as a double-major in mathematics and physics. I needed to find a way to utilize what I'd learned on my mission to make missionary work an everyday lifestyle. And most importantly, I needed to work towards an eternal marriage.
As school started, I gladly realized that I nearly had full control over how this portion of my life's chapter unfolded. I could personally determine how much effort I put into the linear algebra and quantum mechanics homework assignments, and how much I studied for upcoming exams in probability theory. Getting a good grade in my classes pretty much correlated directly with how much effort I was willing to put into them. Similarly, I had learned in New York that the success of a missionary is not determined by the people's responses, but instead by the effort to share the gospel with everyone put forth by the missionary. Consequently, I also realized that I had full control over how well I utilized the lessons learned on my mission. But I soon found out that progressing toward marriage was a very different matter.
Of course, the path to marriage begins with dating. But despite my greatest efforts to ask young ladies out on dates on a regular basis, few responded positively. More often than not, though, I was able to find someone who agreed to go on a date. Yet, even with my biggest focus on making each date as enjoyable, respectful, and memorable as possible, few of the ladies I went on a first date with agreed to go on a second. Many chose to ignore, and not return, my call and text after the first. Of course, there were times when I was the one who didn't want to continue dating as I could sense that my date and I were not a good match. Obviously, there were some techniques and lessons I had not fully perfected. But even as I learned how to potentially improve each date, and applied these techniques very readily, my greatest efforts seemed in vain. I found out that, unlike schooling and my missionary lifestyle, dating and marriage was not fully within my ability to control.
Of course, having grown up with epilepsy, I had already had experience with parts of my life that I did not have full control over. But this was the first time when it was another person's choice that I was partially dependent on. It seemed rather frustrating at times that I would study up on what makes a good date and what women like the most as if I had a final exam on it the next day, and later find out that my studies yielded bitter fruit of disappointment that put me back on square one of dating. Naturally, I held no frustration nor anger directed at the girls I attempted to start dating; I reasoned that there must have been something from their point of view, which remained unsaid, that justified not dating me any longer. Rather my frustration was more in the circumstance. But deep down I knew that there was someone out there who I would find eventually, and in the mean time God had a lesson he wanted me to learn.
Sitting on the bus each morning and evening, walking along the sidewalks between classes, and driving to and from work I pondered on what was the reason God intended for me to not find immediate success in my pursuit of marriage. How long into the future would I need to wait before success came? Was there something in my life that needed to change before God would guide me to my future wife? Or had I mistakenly turned down the right one somewhere in my recent past? These were the questions that flowed through my mind day in and day out, month by month.
Eventually, the time came where I could go no further. But what was I to do at this point? Fortunately, having been actively involved in The Church my whole life, consequently learning again and again about the life of Jesus Christ, the Lord was able to guide me to a very common scripture that had not yet taken root in my life.
At this sacred time, Christ also could go no further. Yet, through his perfect example he was willing to submit his will fully to the omniscience of God. Inspired by this scripture, I realized that I too needed to depart from full reliance on my own efforts, and sincerely submit to the will and timing of my Father in Heaven.
I distinctly remember the moment when I said inside myself with full honesty, "God's will be done; I am willing to wait as long as he sees necessary for an eternal marriage." And surprisingly, within only a couple months afterwards, I was introduced on a blind date to Bethany Murray who would later become my eternal wife and companion. And now, looking back, I can see the great wisdom of God in having me wait a little longer, learn a few more things, and gain a couple additional experiences before successfully reaching eternal marriage.
How grateful I have become through this experience, and many others, for the scriptural accounts of our savior Jesus Christ. His example of sincere and complete submission to the will of the Father taught me what I needed to do in life.
As school started, I gladly realized that I nearly had full control over how this portion of my life's chapter unfolded. I could personally determine how much effort I put into the linear algebra and quantum mechanics homework assignments, and how much I studied for upcoming exams in probability theory. Getting a good grade in my classes pretty much correlated directly with how much effort I was willing to put into them. Similarly, I had learned in New York that the success of a missionary is not determined by the people's responses, but instead by the effort to share the gospel with everyone put forth by the missionary. Consequently, I also realized that I had full control over how well I utilized the lessons learned on my mission. But I soon found out that progressing toward marriage was a very different matter.
Of course, the path to marriage begins with dating. But despite my greatest efforts to ask young ladies out on dates on a regular basis, few responded positively. More often than not, though, I was able to find someone who agreed to go on a date. Yet, even with my biggest focus on making each date as enjoyable, respectful, and memorable as possible, few of the ladies I went on a first date with agreed to go on a second. Many chose to ignore, and not return, my call and text after the first. Of course, there were times when I was the one who didn't want to continue dating as I could sense that my date and I were not a good match. Obviously, there were some techniques and lessons I had not fully perfected. But even as I learned how to potentially improve each date, and applied these techniques very readily, my greatest efforts seemed in vain. I found out that, unlike schooling and my missionary lifestyle, dating and marriage was not fully within my ability to control.
Of course, having grown up with epilepsy, I had already had experience with parts of my life that I did not have full control over. But this was the first time when it was another person's choice that I was partially dependent on. It seemed rather frustrating at times that I would study up on what makes a good date and what women like the most as if I had a final exam on it the next day, and later find out that my studies yielded bitter fruit of disappointment that put me back on square one of dating. Naturally, I held no frustration nor anger directed at the girls I attempted to start dating; I reasoned that there must have been something from their point of view, which remained unsaid, that justified not dating me any longer. Rather my frustration was more in the circumstance. But deep down I knew that there was someone out there who I would find eventually, and in the mean time God had a lesson he wanted me to learn.Sitting on the bus each morning and evening, walking along the sidewalks between classes, and driving to and from work I pondered on what was the reason God intended for me to not find immediate success in my pursuit of marriage. How long into the future would I need to wait before success came? Was there something in my life that needed to change before God would guide me to my future wife? Or had I mistakenly turned down the right one somewhere in my recent past? These were the questions that flowed through my mind day in and day out, month by month.
Eventually, the time came where I could go no further. But what was I to do at this point? Fortunately, having been actively involved in The Church my whole life, consequently learning again and again about the life of Jesus Christ, the Lord was able to guide me to a very common scripture that had not yet taken root in my life.
"And [Jesus Christ] went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless, not as I will, but as thou wilt." ~ Matt. 26:39
At this sacred time, Christ also could go no further. Yet, through his perfect example he was willing to submit his will fully to the omniscience of God. Inspired by this scripture, I realized that I too needed to depart from full reliance on my own efforts, and sincerely submit to the will and timing of my Father in Heaven.I distinctly remember the moment when I said inside myself with full honesty, "God's will be done; I am willing to wait as long as he sees necessary for an eternal marriage." And surprisingly, within only a couple months afterwards, I was introduced on a blind date to Bethany Murray who would later become my eternal wife and companion. And now, looking back, I can see the great wisdom of God in having me wait a little longer, learn a few more things, and gain a couple additional experiences before successfully reaching eternal marriage.
How grateful I have become through this experience, and many others, for the scriptural accounts of our savior Jesus Christ. His example of sincere and complete submission to the will of the Father taught me what I needed to do in life.
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